'twas the night before moving day.....

...or actually the day before, but same thing.

So much to do. So many boxes. My sink in the bathroom that I have neglected to clean for too long. Eww.

I hope the apartment management aren't the kind of folks who run their fingers across every nook and cranny to make sure there isn't dust buildup.

Either way I will be sure to be on my hands and knees (like Cinderella in picture)tonight until the wee hours to make sure everything is clean.

It's times like these I wish I had never dripped nail polish remover on my carpet. It turned the brown carpet into an odd color.

Wow

I am unbelievably grateful for all of my friends right now. The support I have received lately from everyone is amazing! Seriously people, thank you for everything.

Old habits die hard

I have a lot on my mind today, but it is all good. I think I am just so used to change, that it has become normal, and anything else feels strange.
How do you remove that kind of mindset? Time. Time is the answer. And I am not very good with time, but I am going to have to learn.
I need to be able to give myself enough time to make adjustments and live according to my own decisions. Because certain things may not be going exactly how I want them to right NOW, doesn't mean I have to start totally new. There is always going to be some sort of difficulty, but it is time for a new paradigm.

Books and Hooters

I am pretty tired today. I find my eyelids are getting heavy as I type this very sentence. I have tried coffee, but it seems I am drinking it only for the caffeine, not the taste, so it ends up just getting cold in my mug. And cold coffee is just blaaa.

Last week I had a few vacation days I took and I had fully intended to get homework done and pack up my room. I did none of that, so the next few days I will be catching up on everything.

Working at the bookstore I have seen so many books that I want to read. I kind of get overwhelmed at the thought. Someday I will read all of them. As for right now, I am going to start reading a book called "This is Your Brain on Music". I am interested in why music makes us feel the way we do when we listen to it.

For lunch today I enjoyed some Quesadillas from Hooters. They were delicious and they kindly supply those little hand wipey things. I just remembered that my dad took me there for my 13th birthday (awkward).

Sienna Miller's got crack

I am very excited for Sienna Miller's new film Factory Girl, because I am a total Andy Warhol fan. Sienna plays Warhol's muse Edie Sedgwick, a self destructive drug addict.

BUT, Sienna gives crack a new meaning for her Sedgwick role as she almost displays a little too much in this dress she is sporting.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, although it doesn't really feel like it. I am working today, and it looks like a day that will probably go by very slowly.

I wont be spending a lot of time with family today, because my dad is working also.

This will be a Thanksgiving unlike any other. I will not be stuffing myself full of turkey and stuffing. Sadly, no pumpkin pie awaits me.

This reminds me of a funny Thanksgiving when I was a sophomore in High School. It was Thanksgiving morning and my friend came over. I told my dad "I will be right back," and we left to run to the store or somewhere. Apparently we were gone too long, because when I came back, my family was gone! They had left to go to Heber, Utah, without me. It was my fault, because I knew I had to be back in time to leave because the family was waiting for us, but STILL.
So, that year I spent a lovely evening at Dee's (a Denny's-like diner place) and had some excellent Turkey and mashed potatoes with a bunch of old people.

Soon it will be time to wear a sweater....or 5

When I move back to Salt Lake, i may have to dress like this person, whoever they are, or else my body may go into some short of shock.

It is currently what feels like 90 degrees outside here in Arizona. I may have to go swimming.

The negative thing about this weather is that I forget it is almost Christmas time until I go into the mall and hear the Christmas tunes and smell all the holiday smells. I wonder if it ever gets cold here except for 5 minutes in the morning?

Photographer Aspirations

Here is a photo I took of myself with my camera phone. Next semester I am taking my first photography class. I am very excited about this. I have inherited my dad's Canon AE-1, a popular camera that was born a couple years before I was.



I will post my photos I take on my blog.

Overheard at the bookstore

Blonde: "Oh. My. God. I can't believe I am in a bookstore. Can you believe I am in a bookstore? I really don't think I have ever read a book. Except, you know, when they made you in school."

Brown haired friend, probably the smart one: "I know. This is weird."

Blonde: "We should leave."

Rwanda

A woman from Rwanda came to my class to speak lastnight. She told her story about the genocide and what she did to help other women escape the violence in that area over a ten year period.

I wanted to weep when I heard her speak about how inhumane the refugee camps are. No security. Living under a blue tarp on a hard mat. No water. The fear of rape and other violence.

She talked about how good we have it here in America. If we need help from the police of government, we do not have to fear their corruption. We are free to choose literacy and a higher education, and we are not the property of our husbands.

Her words were very inspiring and I feel so lucky to have what I have.

Eggnog--the best part of this season

Iced Grande Non-fat Eggnog latte.

I am sure I am not the only one who enjoys such seasonal delicacies, but it seems my co-workers think it is foul.

Oh well. I will just sit here and enjoy the taste of Christmas. Not everyday is such a lovely drink available, especially at $4.50 a pop.

Moving

One month from today I move back to Salt Lake. I am mostly excited, but a little nervous. Starting over is always a little scary. New house, new job, etc.
I feel really good about my decision to move, though. I think I am just a little stressed out with the two jobs, school, and other things.
I have realized though, that moving here was absolutely necessary. I have learned so much about myself. My paradigm has changed, and I really do feel that I am a better person.
I feel like I can actually handle college. In the past when I have attended, I always felt so overwhelmed. I still do sometimes, but I have learned to take some deep breaths.
I will be sad to leave my friends here. I have met some really, really, awesome people. Some I even consider to be best friends.
Almost all of my friends in Salt Lake have had major life changes since I have been gone. It will be interesting to go back and see how everyone is doing.
The dating scene in the S-L-C should be good. It is mormon country, but there is a neat liberal scene that somehow emerged. I thank god for THAT.

Kant knows best

With a new political direction on the horizon, I leave you with this:

'Even philosophers will praise war as ennobling mankind, forgetting the Greek who said: 'War is bad in that it begets more evil than it kills.'

Immanuel Kant

Running

A little over a year ago I started running. It was something I started doing as a way to increase my energy and get in shape.

About three months later, due to some life circumstances I became severly depressed. Not all at once though. It was something that got worse over time, hitting rock bottom in September 2005.

I kept running, though. I would run so fast, until I was so tired I had to stop. Tears streaming down my face, I would run for miles.

Along my running route was a catholic church. I would go in, the only person in the building, and sit down on the same bench I sat on the previous time. I was hot, sweaty, and exausted.

I had never actually attending a catholic church service. But, as I sat there I imagined a typical Sunday with the benches filled with people. Attending out of desire or obligation, with family or by themselves.

I have realized that I am no longer at the depth of depression hell. I have been liberated from whatever it was that was pulling me down.

If it wasn't for running, I think I would have wasted away. Those days when I used to sleep all day would have turned into weeks, and I wouldn't have cared.

I still run, though. But these days, I don't cry.